Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day when your Mom is in Heaven...

I am embarrassed to admit that I have always LOVED Mother's Day. When I was little I thought it was the neatest holiday ever. I loved having a day to celebrate my Mom. I loved the displays, the balloons, the phone call commercials reminding you over and over to call your mother. Then, when I became a mother myself, I got the best of both worlds. I was able to completely celebrate my amazing mother and be showered with hugs and kisses from the little people I had created in my own belly. Does it really get any better than that I often wondered. Well, then my Mom died in a freak accident and it left me reeling on Mother's Day. Here I am, still a mother who little people want to celebrate and yet I want to scream every time I hear a commercial telling me to call my Mom. How can you do that when she is dead I wonder! The first year she was gone I actually had to walk out of the grocery store to resist the urge to push over the displays of flowers, cookies and balloons. Now, I just turn my head and walk by sadly. I feel embarrassed because I loved this day soooooo much before having no concept how hard it was on all of those whose Moms are gone. No concept how it feels like you cannot breathe inside while smiling and accepting handmade gifts of love from your cute little babies. For the rest of my life I have to dread and pretend to love this day. I am so sorry for anyone reading this who does not have a Mom to celebrate. I am so sorry for all the years I loved this day never once thinking about how hard it could be for so many people. I have to go jump back in bed and pretend to be alseep because little people that used to live in my belly are upstairs messing up the kitchen trying to surprise me with breakfast in bed. I hope everyone finds a way to find peace this fine Mother's Day.

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