Sunday, December 28, 2008

Three years ago tonight

My happy and healthy Mom had dinner here with my family. It was simple and they just stopped by and ate with us. Nothing major, no photos taken....  just time spent together eating and hanging out for a bit. Then, sometime in the next 24 hours, she died. That was it. She was gone forever and I had no clue it was coming. I cannot stop wishing I had known what was coming so I could have apprecaited that simple dinner a little more. I miss everything about her. She was honestly my best friend and I talked to her at least a couple times every single day. To go from that to her just being gone is still hard to accept. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday, sometimes it seems like a lifetime since I have heard her laugh in person. I have an audio file of her laugh that I play almost every day. I could not even handle listening to it tonight. It just broke my heart. I hope there is no pain in Heaven and that she can see down and view the awesome things the kids say and do. I just want her back. I know that is wrong to wish for, but I cannot stop.

That bottom photo is exactly how most people remember my Mom. Laughing to the point of tears. I had someone tell me it was sad that she was gone, but that he would jealous of me for the rest of his life because I got to be her kid. I never took that for granted....  I was grateful every day and thanked God over and over for putting me in her belly. I wish I had more faith that this was all part of some big plan....  right now, I just miss her and I cannot stop wishing that I could have somehow changed things and saved her.

1 comment:

Kathryn Benfiet said...

Kristi: I so understand your pain and feelings. My Mom died unexpectedly 16 years ago in February. She was 52. I have a photo of her laughing just like your Mom...they look like they could be kindred spirits, and perhaps, they are best friends in Heaven. It's still so hard for me...she was my best friend too. I wish you peace, and am thankful you have such wonderful memories of your Mom and the times together...you're in my prayers...it's a continual journey through grief...however, we were both blessed enough to have such awesome mothers. Whenever I see a grown Mom and Daughter and see them fighting or hear my friends talk about their Mom (in a less than complimentary way), I just want to shake them and tell them to treasure every moment...thinking of you. Kathryn Benfiet