I am not sure why, but I wanted to post that birthday wish to my Mom. I wish I was putting the finishing touches on a surprise party that would have made her mad at me. But my Mom is not here. She will never turn 60 and I will never see her grow old. I hate that. It is part of our lives every single day, but days like today make it just feel raw all over again. (I know I was incredibly lucky to have her as my mom for 34 years, but selfishly, I still wish I had her for a lot longer than that!)
My Mom was perfectly healthy one day celebrating Christmas surrounded by her family that loved her, and the next she was gone forever due to a freak carbon monoxide leak in her home. We almost lost my Dad at the same time. Everything changed in one single moment in time. I am not saying that to depress anyone - I am saying it because things like that happen and you have no way to see it coming.
I thought I had so many years to have her write letters to my kids, to sort photos and go through old memories. You just never know. That is exactly why I became slightly obsessed with filling in all the lines in the album I just made with Mellie and why I am trying to get people to create a simple album project like ONE SUMMER and 25 things we love about summer. Little projects that you can begin and end.... might mean the world to someone you love someday. So, no matter how busy you are, no matter how much you might really want to go back 20 years and start then and make it all perfectly designed and well organized..... promise yourself to make SOMETHING this week. Something simple, maybe just a letter you write on notebook paper and put in an envelope. Do not make this process harder than it needs to be, do not feel pressure to make it perfect. Just tell someone something that they just might need to hear if anything should ever happen to you. Please. You will never be sorry.
HAPPY 60th Birthday Mom. I love you MORE still every single day. Thank you for teaching me in your death to enjoy the moments a little more, and to make sure I live my life capturing little memories for my family.
Since she died, I really got over my need to make it chronilogical and perfect.... now I just try hard to make it matter. I would give a lot for one little notebook full of random thoughts from my Mom about anytime in her life. I would honestly probably read it a little every single day. You have a huge power to impact your family and I pray you make a choice to do it. Step by step, little by little, just do SOMETHING. Anything at all really.